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should the church talk about sex?

October 6, 2009

If you’re reading this on facebook, it would be a huge help if you’d head over here (the blog) for this so I can get all the info in one place. I’ve seen some really strong opposing opinions on this lately and I’d like to hear what you think.  Here’s the question:

Should the church talk about sex?  If not, why not?  If so, why and in what formats?

12 Comments leave one →
  1. Chad permalink
    October 6, 2009 9:28 pm

    In fear of embarasment, I think yes. As a parent, I know my kids’ friends are going to start talking about it whether I like it or not in the next few years and I don’t want their views of sex to be shaped by mtv, middle schoolers, and public schools while the church stays silent. I know kids are the reason a lot of people don’t think churches should talk about it, but they’re the reason I think the church should be talking about it.

    And I’ve had questions I’ve never felt like I could ask anywhere else.

  2. October 6, 2009 9:57 pm

    I think it’s really important for Christian couples to have an outlet where they can discuss and learn about biblical sexuality without shame or embarrassment. I personally think that it’s more productive if done in smaller group settings, and occasionally separated by gender, because honestly we just handle it differently, and I think people would be more open that way. I guess I would say that if it was the topic for the main sermon, it definitely needs to be a more general discussion of biblical sexuality and boundaries–and something that is announced in advance so people can make other arrangements for childcare…and maybe not bring a first time guest…
    Ideally, you would be able to separate into groups based on life stages: singles, teens, married couples, divorced or widowed, etc…and definitely have some other option for childcare so that young children would not be exposed to something that their parents were not ready for them to hear.
    I’ve dealt with this topic a lot in my married Bible study, but I think it would be very hard to prepare when trying to reach people who are in so many stages of life! And in my experience, people become much less embarrassed and inhibited when whoever is leading starts out by being open and honest about his or her own life, and assures them that there are no unacceptable or stupid questions.

  3. Tony Thibodeaux permalink
    October 6, 2009 10:00 pm

    This shouldn’t be a question of if the subject of sex is appropriate, but are we willing to teach and preach God’s Word in its entirety? Sex is God’s gift to be shared between a man and a woman in Holy matrimony. Today’s society tells our youth that it’s ok to have sex, rather it be with the same or opposite gender. This is clearly sexual immorality! So to answer the question, YES YES YES, the subject of sex needs to be talked about, if we don’t teach our people God has entrusted us with about this, Guess who will, and Satan never takes a day off.

  4. October 6, 2009 10:19 pm

    I think that sex should be talked in church- It is a gift from God for married couples after all. Not only can it provide guidance for couples, it can provide information for single individuals on what they can look forward to and that it’s worth waiting. Sex can be a taboo issue in the church which in turn can make individuals feel like it is something “bad” or “wrong” and plague a marriage. As long as it is discussed with biblical backing and proper warning is given to parents who’s older children are in service, I see no problem with it – I encourage it!

  5. October 7, 2009 8:37 am

    For sure, the church should talk about sex. Why? Two reasons come to mind… 1) the Bible talks about it so it should be discussed openly from a biblical perspective, 2) Sex and money are the leading causes of divorce.

    In what setting… First off, it should be discussed with children with their parents at home. This means the church should help parents know how to discuss this from a biblical perspective with their children and this should happen as kids realize what sex is, not at some pre-conceived age. The reason… they will hear about sex from their peers and in almost every instance, they will be getting a perverted view of sex at that point. In some cultures it will be when they are five years old, in others when they are 12.

    Secondly… It should be unapologetically discussed in small groups and taught from the pulpit. When a teaching is taking place in worship services it’s not that difficult to ask youth pastors and children’s pastors to do something for the children and youth on the days this information is being espoused, some special experience that will keep them out of the worship center on those days.

    Concerning children getting this info from MTV, etc… It is vital that parents keep their children from MTV and other TV stations, shows, unattended internet time, etc… I’ve had difficult conversations with parents concerning these issues in the past. Here’s the deal… We need to ask this question… Would we allow someone to come into our home and espouse the kind of information to our children that is being viewed on certain stations, shows, and on the internet? No. In fact, we’d ask an individual espousing these contradictory ideas to leave even if they were only using inappropriate language in front of our kids and MTV and many TV shows are not only bringing that language into our homes, it’s bringing ideological anarchy into our homes. Why do we allow TV and the internet the freedom to infiltrate our kids minds with ideology, images, and language that contradicts, not what we believe, but what God has laid out in His word as right (not just appropriate but what is right)?

  6. Andrea permalink
    October 7, 2009 9:45 am

    Nathan predicts that this will be one of the most highly commented posts on this blog. And I predict that most of the comments will be by males.

    And from a female perspective, yes, definitely need to teach about sex in the church. Just like the church teaches on stewardship, family and marriage, parenting, evangelism, etc, it should not avoid a topic simply because it has been so perverted by the world. Thankfully the Lord can redeem whatever perversion of truth we’ve accepted, including truth regarding sex.

    But I would like to wait until my four year old is a bit more mature to discuss this, so maybe we can hold off in the children’s ministry, okay? No, seriously, please don’t teach on it in the kids ministry. I know you won’t, but umm, after joking about it, probably should make that clear.

  7. shelley permalink
    October 7, 2009 11:00 am

    I, too, think that adults and young adults should be taught and reminded and discipled in what God’s Word says about sex. Parents should also be well-equipped to teach our children long before the world’s ideology gets to them.

    It’s interesting, “sex” means so many things in our culture: it’s a widely used marketing tool, it’s an “activity” that is taken so lightly that it’s slipped into books, tv shows and most PG+ movies, it’s a “gender choice” apparently, oh ya–and it’s a gift God created for married couples to both recreate and re-create. It’s original purpose has become so twisted and forgotten.

    It should be addressed in church to some extent, but digested in small group, men’s group, women’s group, youth group, family settings — maybe with discussion questions to accompany. There are great Christian resources out there that could be covered in group or father/son, mother/daughter settings (ie Arterburn’s “Every…..Battle” books). Special speakers & simulcast events could be hosted/endorsed as well.

    I appreciate how the hard stuff IS being addressed at The Bridge, and that you don’t hide from the politically/culturally “incorrect” ((which is usually morally & biblically correct!))

  8. John Howard permalink
    October 7, 2009 11:21 am

    I think the format is the question. Rocket Science would not be inappropriate, but at what age would it be relevent. Basic chemistry could be taught a little earlier. Repeating and paraphrasing the “Navigator” For every parent the question should be what would you allow someone to come into your home and teach. It should absolutely be taught by “The Church”. Not everyone is ready for the material at the same time.

    • Andrea permalink
      October 7, 2009 11:30 am

      John Howard, did you know that The Navigator is Grandpastor Rick!? At least I’m pretty sure he is!

  9. shelley permalink
    October 7, 2009 11:57 am

    p.s. “Our culture has done its best to paint a picture of married life that separates sex from the possibility of becoming a parent.” (Michael Farris Should the topic of sex not also go hand in hand with parental training?

  10. John Michael permalink
    October 15, 2009 6:37 pm

    Been thinking about your question for a little while now… finally have something that might be worth writing…

    I think a whole lot of caution needs to be taken when discussing the issue of sex in the church.

    It certainly is an area of life the church should speak towards, but I think the context of those discussions are key.

    If one were preaching on a passage of Scripture where there are big picture issues involving sex, then by all means speak in the most God honoring means possible about the gift of sex. A biblical view of sex and the glory/supremacy of God is absolutely key for adults (and teens to a proper extent). However, often I think the issue isn’t over whether one is preaching on a text discussing sex, but should one intentionally have a series focused on the issue or should one answer specific questions that have been raised by members of your congregation. Here is where I think it would be wise to be much more specific in who you are talking to… in other words, small groups of people who specifically relate to the issues. These small group answer times probably also shouldn’t be broadcast all over the airwaves/internet.

    This is where I think there was a problem with Mark Driscoll’s approach to answering this question. His concern was to speak openly and freely about the issue of sex because the community in which his church exists does the same. However, the specifically focused series in a large group setting broadcast all across the internet might not have been the wisest thing to do. Its not surprising in the least that there were concerns for what he was discussing from other areas in the nation considering the culture contexts of those places.

  11. josh permalink
    October 16, 2009 1:12 pm

    John-Michael – those are really good thoughts that I copy/pasted and tucked away for future wisdom when addressing the issue. Thanks!

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